Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father; there is no shadow of turning with thee; thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not; as thou hast been thou forever will be.
Refrain: Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness!Morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed thy hand hath provided; great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, sun, moon and stars in their courses above join with all nature in manifold witness to thy great faithfulness, mercy and love. Refrain
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide; strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! Refrain
Admittedly, the season of fall comes with anxiety for me. Just as our beautiful trees in our yard change colors and drop leaves in what feels like a heartbeat, our lives have often changed quickly in the fall. Fall is always the time we remember our baby girl, Zoe, who we met and said goodbye to on November 3, 2011. Last fall was a very dark time for me, actively struggling with intense insomnia, vertigo, and post-partum depression. I so desperately wanted this fall to be different. Early in the fall, I prayed for a greater affection for Jesus. I had felt like I had been coasting in my walk with the Lord, and I missed the closeness I experienced after Zoe died. Little did I know that this fall would be a beautiful season of change in my heart.
It began with this sermon by Dr. Harmon titled "A People for God's Own Possession." He chronicles the history of God's people waiting for the "serpent crusher." I was able to experience the love of God in such a fresh way by being able to see how God so lovingly weaved the events of history together to ultimately lead to Christ. Shortly after that we celebrated Zoe's heaven birthday. It was such a sweet time as a family. We decided to make it a tradition to have a birthday dinner, get new flowers for her grave, and write messages to her on a pumpkin.
I really feel like I reached a turning point in my grief this fall. Last fall I was navigating PPD, the previous fall I was pregnant with Emma and kind of stuffed my grief for the sake of my health and her health. This fall I felt like I cried more and thought of Zoe more, but it was so healing! I watched her memorial service for the first time, and I wept so much, but not for the reason I thought. The most encouraging part was to hear the pastors pray and be able to look back on how the Lord answered! Our God is SO BIG. He has sustained us and used Zoe's life for His glory! I have been able to share the gospel with more people because of Zoe and have walked with other sweet mommas through loss. I am so weak from a worldly standpoint: prone to anxiety, "emotional", etc. It takes a big God to not only sustain someone like me through such a heartache but to also turn it around for HIS glory. Oh, it's so beautiful, friends!
My heart is so full. I have seen God so tangibly answer my prayer for greater affection for Jesus. How I spend my time is different. I worship more thoughtfully and passionately. I have never seen God's hand on my life so clearly than I have this fall. As I look back on the past I can so clearly see His love through me both through the good and bad. So while falls of the past have been filled with difficult change, God has been so kind to have me experience positive change. Change is HARD. I am so thankful we serve a God who NEVER CHANGES. Along with Great Is Thy Faithfulness, I have really been moved by the song "The Rock Won't Move." Enjoy, and please be encouraged that no matter what changes come they are ALL for our good and His glory.
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