Good? What Good?

Today I am linking up with the sweet ladies of Still Standing Magazine, writing about where I am in this journey of losing Zoe.

I have been meditating on Romans 8:28-29 for quite some time. Here it is in the ESV:
  
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."

So, what is this "good"? Prosperity? Blessing? No way. That is what many will say, though. "If you love God your life will be easy." Look at vs. 29...he planned for us to be conformed to the image of Christ! THAT is the good that God has for us. Everything that happens in our lives is to point us to Christ and move us to be more like Him. That sounds good to me! However, this "good" can also be very painful. Just look at Christ's suffering on our behalf on the cross. That is the perfect example of good coming out of great pain.

So, that is where I am at. Continuing to strive to see the good that came from losing Zoe. Seems so unnatural to say, I know. I miss being pregnant with her. I miss the closeness I felt in holding her. Now she seems so far away. However, God's truth is an anchor for my soul when emotions don't match up. I am reading a great book called Faith and Feelings by Brian S. Borgman. I highly recommend it! One thing he talks about is how the Psalms so beautifully model for us how to express emotion in a godly way. Many Psalms begin with a lament to God...honest, painful, real feelings. Then they switch to praise and confidence in the Lord. Read Psalm 6, and you will see what I mean. What a great example for us! Sweet friends, cry, weep, scream...then remember TRUTH. The song below is also an amazing example of expressing emotion rightly and such an encouragement to my soul. My favorite line:
"Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you"



I thought I would end the post with some tangible examples of good that has come from losing Zoe. No, I do not think God took Zoe from us for these reasons alone...His ways are higher than we know. However, His kindness to us is real and tangible, and I am thankful for these evidences of good. I am becoming more like Christ because of our daughter.

*Opportunities to share the gospel with family who normally wouldn't have listened
*Opportunities to encourage and be encouraged by strangers...most recently my hairdresser and young woman I met today at the cemetery...both had losses at 15 weeks
*Greater compassion for people...you never know what someone is going through
*Greater yearning for heaven
*Opportunities to plant seeds in my son about the awesomeness of God and heaven...last night he said, "Heaven will be fun. I want to go to heaven." He is showing more and more understanding about where Zoe is, and it doesn't scare him. Although, you can tell he wants to be a brother. He said the other day, "If another baby comes out will she stay with us?" Oh, buddy, I hope so. 
*Greater understanding of how the gospel impacts my daily life

Much love to you all,
Stephanie