Escaping...Thoughts from an Introverted Mom

"Will you play with me, Mommy?" I technically could, but instead I say, "Not now, buddy. I have to go do chores." This is a common occurrence in our house. You might think that it is perfectly fine because I am responsible for "keeping house." However, it wasn't until recently that it was brought to my attention that this response can be a form of escape from my kids.

I am going through the book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson with my friends Liz and Anne. It has been really good for me! I am finding that I am an introverted mom. I don't love to pretend play with my kiddos...gasp! It's exhausting for me to take them places and go on adventures. It doesn't mean I don't love them, it's just that I prefer to stay home and do quiet things, like read books and do puzzles. I am daily challenged to die to myself and do things that Caleb wants to do because I love him! Here are some highlights from a chapter in Desperate that help explain what I mean by wanting to escape:

"I don't want to look back in fifteen or twenty years and regret my choices during these days just because they were long and hard. I want to look back and know that I was an intentional mother doing everything I could to nurture the souls of my children. They need me; they need me in their reality."

"Sometimes I avoid my children...I have a problem giving myself to my children; laying down my life, so to speak, for them. And it's an ugly revelation. I'm trying to escape from my children, from my life."

"You and I, we love our children to the core of our beings. We would die for them. But for some reason we have a hard time putting away our books, or our computers, or our crafts in order to serve them. encourage them, and fill their souls with life."

"Choosing to enter into the mundane with our children, who see playing ponies as anything but ordinary, is a sacrifice of love."

I think as an introverted mom I am tempted to want to escape more. Not run away escape...although I think I have had moments where I felt that overwhelmed! I want quiet and a "break", getting overstimulated easily. I am learning that some of these feelings are normal and that I shouldn't beat myself up over wanting a break. When I get in trouble is when I think I NEED a break or DESERVE a break. I think on Jesus often in my parenting, and consider this section from Philippians 2 often:

2 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ³ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,^[a] 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,^[b] being born in the likeness of men

Do I count my family more significant when I try to escape? Am I looking to their interests? I must think on Christ, the ULTIMATE example of humility, who emptied himself so that I can have eternal life! When I realize the magnitude of Christ's emptying of himself, how can I not desire to serve my family selflessly? I am regularly having to pray for wisdom. Desiring a break and quiet time is not sinful at its core...a break is life giving to a tired mommy! However, what is in my heart? What are my motives?

My word for this year is "simple." I am trying to live more simply each day and focusing on what matters. My children and their souls matter. I want to meet them more in their reality instead of trying to avoid them and escape mentally by doing chores or getting on the internet. I love them dearly! The other day I took pictures of them in a seemingly normal situations, but when I stopped to really look at them, I was filled with such joy. What a privilege to be their Mommy! 

I LOVE when I catch Emma just being still, studying a book or DVD. Makes her look so old. :)

We built a fort, and it stayed up for 3 days! I love Caleb's imagination. We used the pillows as wood to build a chimney. He used his play saw to cut and tried to explain the process to Emma. At one point we also played "Skate Park." He used Emma's toy house as a ticket counter, got pretend tickets, and put on a show after he punched my ticket. :)

Just discovered that Caleb moves his mouth when he's concentrating on doing school work. So cute. :)

Word for the Year

In recent years it has become popular to pick a word for the year. I have never been big on resolutions, so it was appealing for me to have just a word to focus on that can lead to goals in my daily living. My word for this year: simple.

Why this word? I have noticed since having Emma how scatter-brained I am many days. Of course some of that is completely normal as a mother of two littles! However, I think a lot of my issues come from being distracted by unimportant matters, like getting a specific to-do list done, checking Facebook, being caught up on emails, etc. I lack focus, majoring on minor things. The Holy Spirit brought me to conviction especially when I continually was brought to passages like Romans 8: 5-7. I can't tell you how many times a devotional I read or a friend referenced this passage. I know it was no coincidence!

 ⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ⁶ For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. ⁸ Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

Setting your mind on something involves effort, stewing. Most nights I put my head on my pillow and realize how much of my day I have stewed about "things of the flesh." My soul feels dead, and discouragement sets in. Did you see where it said that a mind set on the flesh is "hostile to God?" Yes! That was the conviction I needed. Do I want to be hostile to God? Of course not! However, setting my mind on things of the world was not honoring God! It wasn't until I began to meditate on this verse and focus my prayers on asking God what he wants me to "do" in a day that I felt "life and peace." 

So, I want to live more simply. This passage of scripture helped me to bring my thoughts into focus.

Mark 12:30-31
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all yoursoul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 

If how I am spending my time isn't helping me to love God or love others, then I should evaluate if that particular action is necessary. In the least, I should limit my time. For example, sometimes Facebook really helps me love God and others. I love to post verses or send encouraging messages. I read a lot of great articles via Facebook too. However, most of my time spent on there is mindlessly reading through statuses in order to escape from reality. Usually it's when I am stressed or "need a break from the kids." 

What are some specific ways I hope to apply my word for this year, simple?

1. Pray over my "to do" list daily. Ask for wisdom regarding knowing when my perfectionism is coming out and when that task or chore is a way to show my love for God and others.

2. Keep meals simple. I love clean eating! Meals don't have to be fancy! Resist the urge to constantly try new recipes. 

3. Don't overcommit to Bible studies and read too many books. This year I want to focus on continuing my plan to read the whole Bible in two years and memorizing Romans 1, 8, and 12. The Roman's Project was a great program Ann Voskamp did last year, and I hope to complete it!

4. When push comes to shove, I want to value people over tasks! Make sure I am spending time just talking and playing with my children!

Do any of you have a word for the year?

Year in Review

It has been great to look back and see God's kindness in the ups and downs. Thought it would be fun to pick one major event from each month!

January: Waiting for Emma to be born! Stephanie enjoyed her last days with it being just her and Caleb.

February: We welcomed our rainbow baby, Emma, to our family! Steph remembers shouting, "She's alive!" the moment she was born.

March: We loved all the visitors after Emma was born, but this was the month we got in our groove as a family of four.

April: We survived a TERRIBLE stomach virus. Caleb got it first, and then Steph and Marc got it at the same time! Steph's friend Barb had to take her to the hospital for fluids in the middle of the night!

May: Marc did the mini-marathon, and we had a nice visit in Indianapolis. Emma didn't love her first trip. She had a lot of trouble sleeping while we were there, and we were a bit overwhelmed. :)

June: Birthday month! Caleb turned four, and we took him to his first musical called Shrek the Musical. Marc turned 30! We had fun at the end of the month traveling back to Indianapolis and celebrating with the Goodwins by bowling at Pinheads. Emma did much better this trip!

July: Marc had pinky surgery and was surprised how hard the recover was.

August: Marc and Steph went to St. Joseph, Michigan to celebrate her birthday. It was our first time away from both kids, and they did great!

September: Caleb started preschool!!

October: This was a really hard month for Steph's health. Her vertigo and fatigue reached a peak, and she suffered from terrible insomnia. She is feeling better now, but is going to a neurologist soon to talk about a possible diagnosis of MS (multiple sclerosis).

November: We remembered Zoe's second heaven birthday. We have found we grieve her in a different way since having Emma. Now that we see what she could have been, we think of her more often and have been surprised at how many tears have been shed. Many think that a rainbow baby makes things "easier."

December: We had such a sweet time in Indianapolis celebrating our Savior's birth and sending Marc's brother and family off to move to Boston.

Happy New Year, friends!