I am really enjoying the winter so far...ha, it's only December. :) I have really seen growth in contentment since Zoe's passing. It reminds me of Philippians 4:11-13:
11Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
I've worked on being more intentional about how I spend my time, and I have really enjoyed Pinterest (like so many others). Here are a few projects I've done that I found on there.
The first is a paper holder for the fridge made out of a cereal box! Only the sides of our fridge are magnetic, so this is a great place for all those papers that take up a lot of space. :) The other is a display on the big wall in our kitchen. Money is tight, so I dug in our boxes for frames we weren't currently using. I made a dry erase board just by putting scrapbook paper in a frame...the glass is dry erase. :) We plan to memorize simple verses as a family. The other frames contain a card of the missionaries we are praying for that week and Ann Voscamp's idea for recording the evidences of God's grace monthly. You can print it off here. Just take the glass out of the frames, hammer in a nail, and hang a binder clip!
Caleb has had fun with a few projects too! We made collages of his favorite things, a reindeer with his foot and hands, and tons of other things. :) He is starting to get into coloring and "blue" aka glue. I love this sweet guy! He loves having dance parties! His current favorites are Dominic the Donkey and Jingle Bells....he is quite the singer. :) One day last week he said, "You turned on Gingle Bell Wock (Jingle Bell Rock) and I get fwustwated (frustrated)." Cannot believe this time last year he was just starting to talk! He seems to enjoy things so much more this year, like decorating the tree, checking out the snow, and wearing hats...yes, he is wearing a donkey hat below. :)
Hope you all are enjoying your winter so far...be content, friends!
Zoe Marie Goodwin was born at 6:23 am on November 3, 2011. She was 5.5 inches long and 1.5 ounces in weight. I was 17 weeks, but I probably miscarried around 15 weeks. I had no signs of miscarriage but found out through an undetectable heartbeat. I was induced and labored for around 15 hours, but I am so thankful I was able to do that for her.
Rather than chronicle all the details of her birth and my feelings of grief, I want to share with all my readers the things that have been especially encouraging to me. I will not be fake, this is HARD, but I genuinely find such healing in seeing the Lord's kindness in this journey. First and foremost, I am blown away by God's sustaining grace in the midst of such heartache. This has been so affirming of my faith. I analyze my faith way too much and question my salvation at times. Given that I am a person prone to anxiety, I cannot deny the power of the Holy Spirit inside me after this. Emotions have been up and down, but underlying all that is a strong anchor.
There were and still are so many evidences of God's kindness: I had the privilege of being cared for by the most thoughtful and caring doctors and nurses I have ever known. My favorite nurse was to leave in 30 minutes, and I gave birth to Zoe just in time. The medicine that was supposed to have terrible side effects was bearable. My labor was peaceful. My friends have been amazing. I have had the privilege of sitting under such gospel-centered teaching at Christ's Covenant Church for the last year, and I know it was to prepare me for this suffering. I began a friendship just about a month ago with a young woman who lost her little girl this summer...our daughters are buried next to each other.
I have really thought a great deal about the gospel lately, moreso than I ever have. No matter how much I am hurting, my greatest need has been met. I am a sinner in desperate need of salvation. The punishment required for my sin was payed in full by Christ. In addition,knowing that I have hope for resurrection because Christ has been raised has been incredibly encouraging. This life is temporary. These are all things I have always known, but I am more fully realizing them now, and I’m thankful. These quotes describe what I am thinking better than I can:
"Jesus is enough, but that kind of satisfaction is only experienced when we understand our greatest needs to be redemption and restoration. God in Christ has reconciled us to himself, is renewing our minds, and promises to raise us from the dead, and we will dwell in righteousness and peace forever. If you have this, what more do you need?" Joe Thorn in Note to Self, The Discipline of Preaching to Yourself
"Are you a distressed believer? Is your heart pressed down with sickness, tried with disappointments, overburdened with cares? To you I say this day, “Behold the cross of Christ.” Think whose hand it is that chastens you; think whose hand is measuring to you the cup of bitterness which you are now drinking. It is the hand of Him who was crucified! It is the same hand which, in love to your soul, was nailed to the accursed tree. Surely that thought should comfort and hearten you. Surely you should say to yourself, “A crucified Savior will never lay upon me anything that is not for my good. There is a needs be. It must be well.” -J.C. Ryle
Scripture that has ministered to my heart:
*1 Corinthians 1:3-11: There is purpose in this…I want to make Jesus famous! I especially love verse 9…God has surely made me rely more on him.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
8For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.
*Isaiah 43: 1b-2: I am chosen by the Lord for salvation. The Lord knows me personally, and I cannot tell you how much I have felt that this last month. I can rest in that.
1But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
*2 Samuel 12:21-23: This passage is often used as proof that babies go to heaven. David knows that one day he will see his child in heaven, but that his child will never return to him. What encouragement to know this truth that Zoe is in heaven! All she knew was peace…she never had to experience the pain in this world.
21Then his servants said to him, "What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive; but when the child died, you arose and ate food." 22He said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, 'Who knows whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?' 23But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."
I didn’t think I’d be ready to read a book about miscarriage and infant loss so soon, but I have been so encouraged by Angie Smith. She is the author of the book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy” (so fitting) and a mom who has been there. It has been so refreshing to have my thoughts validated in how she writes. The following quotes express my thoughts perfectly.
“I will never forget the day you were born. Nobody who was a part of it will either. April 7 was one of the best days of my life. You made me brave, Audrey girl. Your mommy used to be afraid of the hospital, afraid of the noises and the smell of medicine. My whole life I have been afraid. I wasn’t afraid that day. I was peaceful. I was calm. I was in the presence of the Lord Himself more than any other time of my life. I listened as they told me about what would happen that day, and I nodded. I surrendered. I stopped worrying about me and I just fell into the arms of the Lord. He carried us all that day, didn’t He?”
(in speaking of how lives have been changed by Audrey’s birth and death)
“You are the greatest miracle I have every been a part of, and I want you to know how incredibly proud I am to have been chosen to be your mommy. I promise you that I will never stop being your voice here on Earth. I will tell everyone about the little girl who came in a three-pound body to change hearts.”
The following is a song that she wrote with her husband who is in Selah. It is absolutely beautiful.
Finally, my dear husband wrote this wonderful blog post here not long after Zoe’s death. I appreciate his leadership of our family during this difficult time. Please take time to read it. There is hope in the gospel! Through all this, I want to make Jesus known. The pain we feel is deep, the grief is random and up and down, but we have found great hope in the gospel. Whether or not you have lost a child, it is my prayer that everyone who reads this walks away with a greater appreciation for God’s great love for us through sending His son Jesus. Please, please, email me at stephgoodwin@gmail.com if you have questions about infant loss or a relationship with Christ. I would LOVE to talk.
We are so thankful for these pictures! The first is of Zoe at just 7 weeks. I love this picture. :) You can just see the beginnings of her arms but no legs yet. The second is Zoe at 13 weeks, the last one of her alive. We love you, sweet girl!
People seem to have an innate sense that, if there is a God, they must somehow earn their standing with Him. It seems hard-wired into the human psyche. And I've often wondered why that is. Recently, I feel like a light has finally come on. I realized why so many of us flatly assume that salvation must be earned.
You want to know what I came to realize? ....
Salvation must be earned.
I know. I know. Just hear me out....I realize that Paul wrote in "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Eph. 2:8-9). I know he wrote that eternal life is a "free gift" of God (Rom. 6:23); and I know, a few chapters earlier, he went to great lengths to emphasize that we are justified by faith alone...
I also know that one of the most foundational tenents of Christianity is that we are justified "by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone."
So why on earth would I say, "salvation must be earned?"
First, notice what I didn't say. I didn't say that salvation must be earned by us. God's inspired writers of Scripture flatly deny that possibility (see the passages above and many others)....But our salvation and our standing with God are still dependent on works...Just not our works.
Good standing with God is not something He just gives willy-nilly. Despite what you might have been taught all your life, God's favor must be earned....God only gives life, reward, and good standing to the perfectly righteous. Don't believe me? Jesus Himself said in His famous Sermon on the Mount, "You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
So...left to ourselves, we are helpless. None of us can meet that perfect standard. But there is one man, Jesus, who did. He lived an entire lifetime that was full of perfect works and total righteousness. He is the one person ever who earned the Father's favor and reward.
And His perfect record can be counted to us if we repent of our sins and trust in Him. His death on the cross can atone for our sins, and His perfect obedience can be counted to us--allowing us to be the rightful recipients of God's favor. What a humbling and glorious truth! As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:21, "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
So salvation IS by works. That's how God operates....Salvation is not by our works though. Salvation is by Christ's works--His perfect life of obedience and His sacrificial death in our place.
Next time you are having a discussion with someone about the gospel and they start to reveal their assumption that God's favor is something that has to be earned, don't be so quick to convince them otherwise. It must be earned. And it has been earned--if we will only place our trust in the One who's earned it.
I am tired and don't feel like writing, so this post is all video...more fun, right? I love our sweetie! He is such a big boy! Excited for the start of fall soon. :)
What a FUN week we had! We just got back from celebrating Uncle Jordan and Aunt Megan's wedding. We love them so much, and it was a joy to share in their special day! Here are are "lights" from the whole week. Join in on this fun blog carnival created by my SIL, Lindsay...it'll keep you blogging!
*Spent some time with Caity, Caleb's favorite teenager...story time and McDonald's....it was a dream day for my sweetie!
*Watched Luke, Caleb's younger buddy, and then visited with his mommy, Hanni, and sister, Anya...what a blessing it was! *Went to the doc (me) and was tentatively diagnosed with IBS..ahem...irritable bowel syndrome...really wanting to get healthy...I felt really sick a lot of this week.
*Traveled to Indy and had a great rehearsal and wedding on Friday!! Marc did such a good job doing the ceremony...I love seeing his passion for the Lord and love for his family. :)
I love my niece and nephew! They are pretty much the best there is. ;)
I got my makeup done and LOVED it! It felt good to feel pretty. :) Lindsay and I enjoyed our time together with the kiddos. We were so proud that they made it down the aisle!
I LOVED all the colors and the attire Megan picked out...everyone looked so pretty! Caleb loved his outfit and rocked the aisle!
Hey guys! Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful summer we are having! Would love for you to join in on this fun blog carnival started by my SIL, Lindsay. It has been so fun to document our summer. :)
Here's what we've been up to the last 2 weeks:
*Went to D3 with the youth in Louisville...Caleb stayed with Pop and Gigi in Indy and had so much fun! I was so blessed by the teaching at D3...reminded that being a disciple of Jesus is serious and WORTH IT. Will have to blog about it in detail another time. ;) We are so thankful for our youth group...we had so much fun, and it was so cool to see them wanting to live out their faith!
*Celebrated Megan's upcoming wedding by painting and dining on yummy food!
*Sat under some great preaching by my hubby ;) Here's a link to his sermon!
*Celebrated 4th of July in our AWESOME town of Winona Lake...Caleb loved the fireworks, and we really enjoyed walking along the lake and getting ice cream!
*Enjoyed a photo shoot with my boys...Caleb didn't cooperate as much as we thought he would, but I know we got some good shots! Thanks, Kari! Here's a preview!
*Took Caleb to his 2 year well check...will contact First Steps for some therapy regarding gross motor stuff but otherwise a good report! On a yucky note, the gag test didn't sit well with him, and he threw up EVERYTHING he ate that day in the car seat on the way home....worst.cleanup.ever.
*Went to the Columbia City Splash Pad....had SUCH a blast. I didn't take my camera on purpose so I could enjoy my boy. He got right in the water. We stayed 2.5 hours!
*Tonight we are having friends over and then later finishing the 4th Harry Potter movie. We really are getting into them!
On a random note, have you all ever considered memorizing scripture? I am doing 2 verses a month, and I am loving it. I find that I really benefit from SLOWING DOWN and not feeling like I have to memorize a bunch at a time. It is essential that we have God's word in our hearts and minds when the world tells us lies. I just keep track of verses I want to memorize in my journal. Here is my current verse...very convicting...I use it often in my prayers:
Psalm 73: 25-2625 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
We had a rainy week here in Warsaw. PERFECT for winding down from a busy weekend and catching up with housework and time with my sweetie! Marc and I will be gone next week with the youth for the D3 conference in Louisville. I am so excited to spend time with the students, and I know Caleb will have lots of fun in Indy. :) This week was full of sweet memories and good teaching:
*Read a GREAT article called Motherhood as a Mission Field and felt great conviction about how wrapped up I get in the mundane, temporary things...take time to read it!
*Had lots of cute conversations with Caleb like this one (This is his 2 years old interview in the car. :) *Dance parties were pretty essential when we had to stay in. Caleb even exercised with me one day...ha!
*Prepared for teaching Sunday school about the commandment "You shall not take the Lord's name in vain." Learned that it's not just about not saying "Oh my ____"....it's so much about how we view God! How often do we complain about what God is doing in our lives? Do we think we know better? Do we really think God's name is that precious, or do we treat Him like He's on our level? Read Numbers 11...I am an Israelite!
Have a good weekend! Join in on this fun blog carnival started by my SIL, Lindsay. It forces me to blog, which I need...ha!
WOW...what a weekend!! We were so busy but so blessed. :) We went to Turkey Run with my family and then headed to Indy to celebrate Megan's Shower/Father's Day/Twins Birthday/Caleb's Birthday. I LOVED hiking at Turkey Run early Saturday morning...2 mile trail with tons of rocks and obstacles. I kept saying, "I could do this every day." Plus, it felt good to still be in quasi-shape. :) Caleb loved it too! He walked some trails and then rode with Marc in the back carrier some. I wish I had more pictures, but most of them came from my mom who doesn't load them on her computer. ;)
The weekend with Marc's fam was equally as fun! It is so nice to get the whole family together, and Caleb LOVES his cousins Burke and Ruby. He enjoyed playing with them and even got to go bowling while I went to Megan's shower! He said today, "Dance party, bowling!" because he got to dance on a dance floor under cool lights at the bowling alley. :) Ha!
Anyhoo, here are a few photos from the weekend! Don't forget that you can join in on the fun of the blog carnival my SIL, Lindsay, created. Go to her blog for the directions for Friday Night Lights (or in this case "Weekend Lights") :).
My sister-in-law, Lindsay, had this cool idea to record highlights from our summer on Friday in a post called Friday Night "Lights"...I love it! Go to her blog and join in on the fun. :) We'll see if I keep this up. This week I'm doing it on a Sunday...ha! Here's what we were up to last week.
*Enjoyed a weekend of youth events and celebrating our anniversary in Ft. Wayne. Biaggi's is the best!
*Meanwhile, Caleb spent the weekend and part of the week with his cousins and grandparents in Indy. He definitely mourned being back home and has been quite grouchy...ha! *On Wednesday we celebrated Caleb's birthday with our Life Group and had an Elmo DQ cake. Caleb was pretty unenthused but enjoyed the cake. :) He kept saying, "more ikeem!"
*On Thursday Anna, Aubrey, Aunt Rachel, and Mawmaw came to see our town and go to the zoo on Friday. The weather was beautiful once it stopped raining on both days! I enjoyed spending time with the girls! Caleb had a lot of discipline issues at the zoo but seemed to enjoy it some! It's hard not to be let down when your child doesn't act the way you "expect" or doesn't enjoy something as much as you've built up in your mind. I'm learning:) Marc and I sure loved the zoo...it's the Ft. Wayne Children's one...highly recommend it! You get so close to the animals!!
*We have had a nice quiet weekend. Marc and I watched Tangled last night....cute movie!! We are celebrating Caleb's birthday today as a little family...love it! He is obsessed with the Llama Llama books, and we found him a stuffed Llama at Kohl's....I am so excited to see his reaction when he wakes up from his nap!
On a side note, with all this joy seeing Caleb start a new year of life, there is sadness as his sin nature becomes more obvious. It is humbling to no end that the Lord has entrusted us with him. It is our role to point him to the Lord, all the time, but especially in discipline. Marc and I had a moment last night when Caleb was refusing to say, "Please." He was yelling at us and demanding milk, and that is not acceptable at our house. ;) He gave the most pitiful pouty face and was messing with his food, and then he looked at us and gave this little smirk. Oh, it broke my heart! Marc and I both teared up....I think it was in that moment we realized the heaviness of the issue at hand. Our child is a sinner and will need to answer to God one day. W.O.W. May the Lord guide us as his parents!
Have a good week, all, and seek to see the Lord in everything!
This one is for you, Pop. :) I saw it had been a long time since I updated, and I figured I'd be hearing about it soon...ha! Rather than write a bunch of words, I'll include a lot of pictures. I can't believe Caleb is almost 2. He has BLOSSOMED since we moved to Warsaw. The last eight months have been full of so many milestones for Caleb. He is such a funny ball of energy! Every day when Marc comes home I say, "Let me tell you what Caleb did today that was so funny." He is less and less like a baby, and more and more like a big boy! Here are some of Caleb's most recent milestones and funny quirks:
*LOVES LOVES to sing and "dance"...his favorite songs are "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" (sp?) and "Ants Go Marching." He will yell at us to put these on. He sings so many other songs randomly in the car or while playing. The cutest one is "Mr. Sun" when it's dreary. *Loves to help Mommy dust and fold laundry..."Foll it!" (fold it) *Starting to memorize favorite books like the Brown Bear, Brown Bear series...he'll fill in the words when you stop. :) *Beginning a catechism with Daddy. He knows the answers to "Who made you?", "What else did God make?", and "Why did God make you?" How he answers is SO cute...for the last question he says, "Guh-lory!" (glory) *Loves to pray...will make us if we forget. Starting to try to pray himself rather than listen to us. *Knows many colors and shapes *Says his abcs and can count to 10...starting to count to 20! *Attaches to people....loves playing with "fends" (friends) at church and picks up on everyone's name when we spend time together. (i.e. Marc and I's friends from church) *Remembers where people's houses are located and will say their name as we drive by or approach the area *LOVES the library and Walmart...will say, "Yaaaaaaay libary, yaaaaaaaay womart!" when we see them. *Picking up on phrases we say and will repeat them when we use them such as,"Hi, honey!" and "Bye, buddy!"
And now for a photo recap and video!
Play date with Evan and first carousel ride! Fun at the beach and Stephanie's visit! Birthday Present! I see a frog! Happy Mother's Day! Daddy did the Indy mini-marathon! Helping Mommy do laundry!
Love Kelly's blog..http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/. Today she is doing Show Us Your Life...What are you reading? I thought I'd chime in on this one since I've recently had a renewed love for reading. The Lord can use it to really sharpen you but also give you a time of rest as well. I'm kind of eclectic when it comes to reading...I enjoy fiction a lot, but I've been on a nonfiction kick lately. Here's my list and ones I want to read.
I am reading Simple Youth Ministry by Eric Geiger and Jeff Borton primarily right now. My hubby is a student ministries director, and all of the volunteers are going soon on a retreat to talk about our current ministry to students. LOVE the message of this book about being intentional and purposeful in student ministry...i.e. asking the question, "Why do we have this program?"
I left this book in Indy but hope to get it back soon and keep reading. The New Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, Judith E. Markham, and Warren Wiersbe has more modern language without changing the integrity of the original. It is SO much easier to understand and includes footnotes, Scripture references, and historical background. I LOVE how challenging this book is, and it really helps you to understand that we are all pilgrim's as believers in Christ. This world is not our home, and we are at war!
Recently finished When Sinners Say I Do by Dave Harvey and Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lisa Terkeurst. The first is very challenging in applying the gospel to your marriage....a must read for everyone....good for ANY relationship. The second was a bit "fluffy" but still very Christ-focused and gave good practical advice for moving beyond head knowledge in your relationship with Christ.
Here is my list of books I want to read...keeps me motivated to keep reading a priority, else this would take forever...ha! These are all pretty deep! :) Respectable Sins:Confronting the Sins We Tolerate by Jerry Bridges and John Haag How People Change by Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp Tyranny of the Urgent by Charles Hummel Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss Forgotten God by Francis Chan Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest by Edward T. Welch and Susan Lutz
I find that I HAVE time to read, I just make other things a priority. Most of the time, the other thing is t.v, so I'm prayerfully trying to shift how wisely I spend my time. Hope you all find something on here that peaks your interest too!
